All my life I have lived other peoples' lies
All my life I have waited to die
Every day sice I was a kid I despised my every living breath
All I ever looked forward to was the time I  could finally be laid to rest
I hated myself and this whole world round
I was born angry at being to this Earth bound
So now that I know that finally in my youth that maybe I might die
Why do I... feel sorrow... great... why do I cry?
Could it be that though this life has been full of great agony and pain
That I wanted to find that personal fulfillment,,, my personal value to gain?
And now I see that I cheated myself by running from my demons
Instead of fighting back consistently through my determined inner reason
I was handed down guilt to me, by society for my unqualified birth
I was a bastard child abandoned on this Earth
I accepted their pronouncements without question or thought
It never entered my mind to why I was called "the damned begot"
God blessed me with life, to learn of Him and grow
No one told me this, but finally this now I know
I was sold a package of lies that I readily accepted
Not thinking others to be wrong and that their lies should be rejected
My mother though she loved me, wanted me not
My father I never knew, mother said his name she forgot
I played in graveyards; I was told that this was my playground
They sent me there to play, so there I would be found
I layed in open graves and memorized grave head stones
There I found a sort of peace all by myself in the graves alone
I knod of liked the grave yard so full yet so empty
I didn't question the reasons, cause at least there no dirty old men touched me,
I played funeral when other kids played with each other and their toys
I hardly knew any normal things to play so mostly others I would avoid
But God how desperately I wanted friends
I did not know how to reach out to make them
Now I know my mama loved me... She really did
But that was over 30 years ago, she just did not know what to do with a bastard kid
I wish now that I could have done a better job of my to salvage from that garbage heap
I wish now that anothers judgement of me that to myself I did not keep
I should have ignored what others said about me
Being truer to myself... to have a better life to see
Instead I always viewed life as the ultimate curse
Well by now, if and when I do finally die, that'll be my best role rehearsed
My own value in myself I should have seen
I wonder if I could have done that... how different my life would have been
I don't blame anyone for my living hell
But before I die they will all here me my story to tell
If I was wronged by others or wronged them far and wide
I do forgive them all, but their and mine secrets, I will no longer hide
And now when finally the time comes when I will lay me down to that final sleep
I ask you, O' My Great Father God, in Heaven
Take me to you... my Soul to ever in Your loving arms to keep.
Posted by on Sep 10, 2008 in Poems For Healing | No Comments

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