- To accept the reality of the loss. To come face to face with the reality of the loss as irretrievable.
- To experience the pain of grief. Including the literal physical pain that many experience and the emotional and behavioral pain associated with loss.
- To adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing. Reorganizing and adjusting one’s life so that life can go on. Learning new skills and discovering inner abilities.
- To withdraw emotional energy and reinvest it. This task affects an emotional withdrawal and release from the loss so that this emotional energy can be reinvested in someone or something else.
*From Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, A Handbook for Mental Health Practitioners, by J. William Worden, Ph.D., Springer Publishing co., New York, 1982
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Recently two psychologists, William Worden, Ph.D. and Sandra Fox, Ph.D. have developed the tasks that grieving adults and children need to accomplish for their grief to be good grief. (Good grief is that which enhances or allows the person to rurn to their previous level of functioning.)
- Understanding: Knowing the loss really happened and is real
- Grieving: Working through the various feelings that are a part of mourning.
- Commemorating: Some way of remembering, observing, or memorializing the loss. Provides an opportunity for affirming the value or the life of the person-or other type of loss
- Going on: Permission is needed from significant others that it is OK to get on with life and OK to “regrieve” should the feelings return
*From Good Grief: Helping Groups of Children When A friend Dies, Sandra Fox, The New England Association for the Educaton of Young Children, 35 Pilgrim Road, Boston, MA 02215, 1985
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- Denial and Isolation: Periods of denial are used positively as a healthy way to cope with the shock of finding out the truth.
- Anger: Ask “why me?”, He/she feels resentful and envious, frustration and helpless. They are angry with family, doctors, nurses, friends and others and need to feel cared for and respected.
- Bargaining: The person wants more time with which to be cured or to finish undone work. This stage is looked upon as a positive stage where the person is not giving up, rather fighting for what life is left.
- Depression and withdrawal. A great sense of loss either from past losses, disappointments and guilt or from future losses from family and material goods. Often the depression is not openly expressed, but should be allowed to proceed. Cheering up and supporting the person is very helpful during this stage. This is a necessary and beneficial stage.
- Acceptance. Finally, they contemplate the death with a certain degree of quiet expectation. There is a transition time for the dying to accept death and the family and friends to begin transition towards growth and life after by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Post some of the experiences you have had in the various stages outlined above.
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After listening to the song, Fire and Rain, post commits about:
- What is the song about?
- What were some of the feelings written about in the song?
- How could you tell the person was grieving?
- Do you think the person in the song gained anything?
- Will the person in the song be OK?
- What feelings did you have when listening to the song?
- What are some songs that remind you of your loved one who died?
- Do you think songs can be helpful or hurtful when going through grief?
- What would you title a song about your grief?
- “Grief Is a Rainbow”. It connects us from our past into our future and happens because there is both sunshine and rain. There may be stormy-rainy (anger, hurt and tears) times of grief and the sunny (memories of good times that peek through the sad times). Explain how it takes both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow and that EQUALS HOPE. Tell how hope protects you and keeps you knowing that a rainbow can happen.
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