List songs about coping with life and loss.
1. What are some of the messages of hope and hopelesssness, coping and helplessness that the songs portray.
2. What is ther impact on how we think about death?
3. What are some songs that have meant the most to you and why?
Do you know any of these songs?
*Dust In The Wind, by Kansas
*I Won’t Last A Day Without You, by The Carpenters
*I Will Survive, by Gloria Baynor
*The Greatest Love Of All, by Whitney Houston
*Don’t Fear the Reaper, by Blue Oyster Cult
Write a recipe for helping yourself or someone else during periods of grief. An example could be:
Calm Cookies
1 cup caring friends
1/2 cup sharing feelings
1/2 cup meaningful activity
2 T. meditation
1/4 t. good nutition
Mix well. Spread in 9″x9″ prayerful pan and bake for 3 or 6 months or until hope and healing comes eventually.
Make three columns, one for fight, one for flight, and one for facing it head on. Find below each number and its coping category. Put the score for each number in the appropriate column. Add up the total scores for each of the three categories. The Category that has the highest score is your primary coping pattern. Note: Each pattern can be useful as a part of the natural grief process. Using at least five coping responses, how do you think you could help yourself during times of stress and grief.
Fight: 9, 10, 11, 19, 21, 24, 26, 30, 32, 35, 37
Flight: 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 12, 13, 16, 20 22, 27, 29, 31, 34
Awareness: 2, 3, 15, 17, 18, 23, 25, 28, 33, 36
The process of integrating a loss is unique to each person, but has some common themes or reactions. Working through grief is usually done using a variety of coping strategies aimed at making the process safe enough so that the emotions and changes can be endured. One can see that in this the body has wisdom.
“Peek-A-Boo”: Grieving has been compared to the children’s game of peek-a-boo. We learn how to manage it by opening and closing to it: by looking at is, pretending it hasn’t happened, and then looking at it again. In this shuttling is gradually woven a pattern that eventually integrates the change into the fabric of our lives.
It is natural to try to have control of our lives. Generally there are three ways through which we deal with change or stress:
We fight it. (Fight)
We run away from it. (Flight)
We face it and experience the feelings. (Awareness)
Each of these reactions can be seen in the stages of grief and the grief/growth cycle. They are natural and healthy coping reactions and strategies. While the above coping strategies are normal and useful reactions to loss, the circumstances of life often mean that grief gets stuffed inside. Sometimes it gets stuck there. However, generally people who receive information, support, acceptance and assurance will navigate through the journey of grief and find new perspectives and strengths along the way.